The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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