Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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