So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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