please come you make the beer taste better
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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