I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
