Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
