I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
