pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
