don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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