I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His nipple licking is glorious
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