I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
