Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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