he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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