Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
