I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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