The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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