I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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