I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
