I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
