Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
