i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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