I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
