I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
