wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
