dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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