i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And then he peed in my hair
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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