According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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