i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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