I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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