Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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