What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
