Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They took my balls.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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