bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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