Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
