you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
