i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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