A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
