Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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