Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
