apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
