he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
