Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
