I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do vagina's smell?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
