It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
