I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
