i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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