so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
