Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
