I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
