So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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