i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
